Another year has disappeared. I still have no idea what direction life will take. I have been reflecting on 2018 and while it was a difficult year it was definitely one of growth.
So much changed last year – my nan died, I had friends get married, friends start divorce processes and friends that had babies. I felt like I wasn’t really going anywhere, nothing really changed for me at all on paper – still single, still living in the same apartment – in the same city, doing the same job… but something did change – I did.
I became okay with not being okay all the time. I allowed myself to be me and start thinking about what I really want with my life. I applied to move abroad, and to see if that path is one which is in my destiny or if something else will be.
I had good days and bad days.
I found my love of yoga.
I reconnected with old friends who have become so important to me now I feel like we were never apart.
I travelled more – ticking more off my list and saw the most beautiful places and revisited my happy place – Paris.
I got my first tattoo.
It was a year of finding myself but not really knowing where I was going.
I met people – both good and bad, I had romance and heartbreak and picked myself up again and again – always hopeful that the next date could be the one.
And while I was with family at Christmas having to explain that yes, another one single and no I didn’t have a secret boyfriend, it made me think – why do people insist that you need someone to be happy – the happiest times I had last year didn’t involve online apps, it didn’t involve having to go on a date and have the same conversations with a different person and not connecting.
The times I was happiest was when I was focused on me, on battling my anxiety and depression, on finding myself, experiencing new things and setting goals.
And this is where I start my 2019…. ready to continue my journey, for myself and by myself. Ready to fight for what I want, and become who I want to be, to understand and follow my dreams… and I can’t wait to see what adventure this year brings…