It’s been a while since I felt I could write a blog post, so much has been happening since my last post, I don’t even know where to begin, but today was the first day that I reflected after a day pretty much spent hiding in bed with a book and trash tv on Netflix (okay and maybe some Disney thrown in too) I suddenly decided that to write would be better that wallow… so here I am.
I am not working at the moment, which I know doesn’t help me. It’s lonely not having to get up and go to the office daily, and my routine is so off at the moment, it feels like days just either disappear or take forever. So from tomorrow I know I need to get back into a routine even if it is just one for me, and me as I am now.
I have been eating badly and ended up putting weight back on that I had tried so hard to lose and feel really disappointed in myself as I had been doing so so well… but that’s the thing with anxiety and depression – you can hit a good spell and begin to forget the steps you need to take and the things you need to focus on and suddenly something will hit you and bam you’re back where you were a little while ago, and struggling.
I don’t want to wallow on that, I won’t wallow on this and I won’t let it take control anymore, I want to try each day to get stronger again. I had news that my hope to move abroad was unsuccessful, I’d spent two years working on moving and building up to it, for it all to just disappear! And then what? My contract had already ended and I was looking for work but no luck as yet… and it’s hard when something you dreamed for so long doesn’t happen it sets you back, but now I really really need to focus on what might happen next…
I do think it could be time for me to leave where I live currently, but at the same time, is it really the right time to leave? Is there a right time? Should I wait til I am better in myself, or is being here triggering me to not recover as I could elsewhere? There are so many questions and I don’t have the answers, so I need to go back to me, and focus on each minute, hour and day as it happens.
Focus on the positive things in life, like my wonderful friends, family and fur babies.
So let’s keep accountable and let’s keep focused… its a marathon not a sprint and I need to remember to be kind to myself and not let a setback become a habit that takes over.
Time to dust off and carry on…