It all started with a panic attack at yoga of all places on Sunday evening, I hadn’t seen it coming but I was able to control it. I was in the middle of pigeon pose and then started to get really uncontrollably hot, then my breathing became tight and I felt like I might burst. So, I thought about the practise and came out of the pose and decided to go into childs pose and sit and focus on breathing, on trying to get my lungs open to be able to calm myself. Slowly but surely I managed it, I don’t know how but after a few minutes I started to cool down and breathe more openly. It felt good and I was relieved to be able to control it.
The weekend had been tricky, it was full of ups and downs and was one of the hardest weekends I have had in a long while. I couldn’t stop crying for most of the weekend, I don’t even know why, but I think it turned out to be for the best because suddenly I saw a bit of light and then decided those four words were going to help me through the rest of the week.
It is really hard when you are struggling with anxiety and depression, it makes you feel trapped and insecure about everything. Over thinking becomes out of control and you just want to find a moment’s peace from it all. Having the mantra decided I thought this would be the best way for me to be able to stop my over thinking, when I noticed I was doing it, I spoke my mantra, when I felt overwhelmed by something, I spoke the mantra, when I felt like I didn’t even want to move – you guessed it – I spoke my mantra.
While it will take more than four words to make a difference. Those four words have given me a focus for the week and helped me to find a light when I am in darkness. They have given me an ounce of strength when I felt like none was possible, and its made me realise that I see a smidge of the old me in myself still.
I am still in there… I just need to keep inhaling confidence and exhaling doubt